Monday, June 6, 2011

Prep for Surgery

Last time I had a colonoscopy, the two Bisacodyl and two jars of fizzy crap mag citrate didn't work for me. and I mean, I am far below my normal 90 lb weight and this one-size-fits all 'scopy meds didn't hardly make a gurgle in my intestines. Well, I guess that's why I'm having an Ileostomy.

So before surgery, I'm supposed to drink FOUR bottles and take FOUR pills, starting 2 days ahead of time. So I started at 4 pm, and shock and surprise--but this thing ain't going like it's supposed to. To pardon the stupid pun, heh heh. But no laughter! I am in a very unpleasant state right now. Fuck fucking bisacockl and fag citrate.
While I visit the toilet, I'm reminded of Rejected Cartoons by: Don Hertzfeldt--specifically the one with "My anus is bleeding!!" "For the love of god and all that is holey...!" or something like that. yes indeed little ass-bleeding cloud, yes indeed. Not that I'm bleeding or anything, but holey christ it feels like that sometiems.

So while I'm waiting, I'm catching up on watching movies--movies I'd never really thought I wanted to watch. Like the first Transformers. Eh, it's fairly decent--for being a seriously retarded piece of shit.  63 minutes in when the robot cars start talking, I kind of mentally checked-out.

The bag they gave me to practice with is seriously huge. Especially since I'm 4'10 and stopped growing when I was 12. 12 years old. I'm the size of a 12-year old, just to reiterate. So no I don't need a damn 50 gallon bag trailing down between my legs and dragging on the floor by my feet like a giant deflated testicle. Maybe I could just have a wheelbarrow and wheel around my bag. Oh don't mind me... just wheeling around 50 gallons of feces.
Still worried about placement--Dr dude is seriously a gangrene-crusted peener, so instead of sleeping I'm here watching this shit movie on my laptop before the government shuts down streaming, listening to giant june-bugs hitting the windows like rain, and worrying that the bag is going to be higher than the delicious little marking.

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