Saturday, July 21, 2012

Is that an inflated ileostomy bag, or are you just happy to see me?

BOTH actually!!

Early morning inflated bag, don't you just love it? I have been stupidly sneaking small sips of delicious Cherry Dr Pepper--I forgot how much I loved that shit--so of course, as any carbonated drink will produce intestinal air, I end up with a puffy little bag.

(POV angle, me in my sleepy-time clothing, with my furry cat friend to the right :P)
Some times, I wake in the middle of the night to find it is like a balloon, so damn stretched out that it appears it could burst with the slightest poke.
(Black bag-holder barely containing my gross-ass shit-spattered bag. Furry friend still to the right, roaming about.)

Look at this. Shit, but I have no shame. Ratty sleepy-time clothing pictures with my damn shorts around my ankles. And I do this for you, Ostomy Curiosity People. All for you. So anyway, this inflation seems to happen more while I'm sleeping, and really inflates whenever I sleep on my back. Why is this?

(I really am disgusting, aren't I?)

We all know that there are certain foods to avoid that create gas. Asparagus, broccoli, cabbage, eggs, fish, little-balls-of-death-Brussels sprouts, cauliflour, onions and garlic. You should really avoid roughage anyway, unless you want a gorram blockage. (Gorram you say? Yes, I've watched Firefly.) Now, funny thing is, I have been purchasing fresh broccoli and chopping it up, then I fill a huge pot 1/4 of the way with water and I place a colander over it, dump the broccoli pieces in the colander, and boil the water with the lid on over all that shit.

(Closest pic I could find, courtesy of
This is called steaming, and I steam the shit outta that broccoli so it keeps the nutrients in, but is soft enough for me to eat. I have been eating that with cream cheese and a sprinkle of garlic--omg, yum. But I have noticed it really doesn't give me increased intestinal air at all--but maybe I don't eat a ton of it, so it's not a problem.
Now some people have a filter on their bag. This lets the air escape, and also drives away your closest friends and then you're alienated and alone and depressed and contemplating ending it all. Kinda. I tried out the filter bags, and it mimics the glorious experience of having uncontrollable diarrhea farts. Just shoots out everywhere and stinks up everything and you're constantly turning red in the face and apologizing vehemently.
Uhm, no fucking thanks. I'd rather watch my bag for air and just dump it and air it out in the water closet when needed.

Ahhhh. All emptied and the bag lays flat. Like it should. (Narrows eyes threateningly at bag.)
How do you prevent the dreaded shit explosion from an inflated bag? I usually dump my bag before driving, naps, and certainly before sleepy-time at night. And before sex... heh heh (uncomfortable chuckles). How many times you will dump your bag/pouch during the day really varies for how much you eat and what, but is typically like, maybe four or five. Bag size also matters. Larger bags can hold more feces, smaller bags will have you running to the toilet with every little squirt.

So when should you empty a bag? Dude, seriously, empty that shit when it's like a third full. You see that nasty picture of me with my bare legs and underwear showing? Yeah. It wasn't full of feces, but the air puffed it up. When air isn't in the bag, I ALWAYS empty it when it's a third to half-way full. The bag gets heavy, and my bag-holder really helps hold it up so it isn't dragging down on the sticky wafer and you know, ripping it off or something.

But don't sweat it. You can handle a little stinky air.

And check out my FABULOUS nails, OMG.

The pinkie has a little slice of watermelon glued on it, ring finer has an apple slice, middle finger has kiwi and orange slice, first finger has a strawberry. And then, the thumb has a lime slice. FABULOUS! FASHION! GORGEOUS!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Finished Corset

Y'all, this shit is SERIOUS! LOOK at this finished beauty! It has special flap designed in the front so I can have access to my ostomy whenever i want. (I will take better pictures of the flap).

Short post here--but it's encouraging to know that you can wear corsets or any kind of fashion really, though you have to be a bit creative to cover the bag! :)


So I am planning on doing a video, directed by my husband, showing the entire process of changing a bag--from cutting around the edges to size it right, and cutting the wafer to fit my ostomy bud, and all the powders and wax shit that goes along.

It will be gross. You will see liquid feces. You will see exactly how this whole ileostomy life works. And it will be the only REAL video showing this crap to those who are desperately trying to find answers to those questions that swim through their scared and panicked mind when the doctor says to some youth they need to have an ileostomy. Oh My God! Will my life end? How will this work? Everyone will know I have a bag! Everyone will smell it! I wont be able to wear anything pretty anymore! I will be an outcast! Everyone will think I'm gross! FUUUUUUUUU------

So that's why. I might be ashamed. Maybe I should be. But this will be for all those people who feel so horrible and just want answers. Maybe... maybe I can supply them.

What do you think? Bad idea? Good idea?