Sunday, June 19, 2011


There are websites like that tout you need this and this and this to get by otherwise OMG YOUR LIFE IS FAIL. Fuck that shit. It's expensive, it's dumb, and most of all, you can make that crap on your own with very little hassle.

They have a thing called a "wrap", which is like a chunk of spandex you just kind of smash down your ostomy with, I guess. I don't know about everyone else, but smashing down my stoma doesn't feel good. The little fucker wants to breathe and definitely NOT be smashed down. But as I don't exactly like walking around with a dangling bag--remember, these ones are still the huge bags I was sent home with and not the smaller one's I've ordered-- I made myself a soft little thing that passes as a short skirt. Observe and cry:

Shirt goes over the top part, and the bottom was cut off an old T-shirt, the bottom border flipped under and literally safety-pinned down to create a pocket or a sling for my bag. I can walk around and move without the gross constriction of that spandex shit, and my little buddies can peek over the top and watch the action.

This is a pair of the underwear they show on the site.

Uhm.... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. *Wipes away tear* No. If you didn't wear granny panties before, you certainly don't need them now. And if you're wearing them now, dear christ in heaven, for the love of everything that is sacred, please stop. Nothing says "I no longer care about my life" like the despondent apathy of granny-panties. Good lord.

Here's the panties I wear:

Niiiiiiiceeeee, huh? Of course. I cannot for the life of me understand why some peeps insist you need nasty-ass panties after an Ileo. I meet that with a hearty resounding WTF. I don't stuff my ostomy bag under the panty-strap anyway, because that makes the bag buckle and can cause leakage and shit. I hold up the bag to slip them on, then I leave it hanging over the side, then I slip on my little short-skirty pocket thing to hold it up.

Now this is an actual practical thing and really kawaii super-cute bag holder/cover for when you are wearing a stoma cap--something I have yet to purchase. A cap is basically a really small bag for when you're getting your sexy on. Awww yeaaaahhh.

Here's the website:

And for a while, maybe a handful of weeks while your stoma(s) is/are still healing, you really shouldn't be having sex. If your dude has a dick worth working, it's going to be knocking around a whole buncha shit inside. Just take it easy and let your pussy rest. I know it's hard (heh heh) when you look at him walking around in them jeans, with that ass, and he's got those arms and those eyes and his voice makes you wet... but seriously hold off. Use your hands and mouth and all that and I don't know, get oral from him or something. I enjoy giving it but not receiving, but if it works for you...

And what's all this talk I hear of ostomy belts? That's bullshit. You don't need a fucking belt or anything to hold it up, if you've worked with your ostomy nurse to properly pick out bags that fit you. Look back at that first picture in the post. See that top flap thing where the filter is? The area nearest my belly-button? Well because I'm stuck with these huge-ass bags for a while, so that filter part doesn't go flapping all over the damn place, I take a tiny strip of duct-tape and tape that down against my skin. Easy. No prob.


  1. It's not about holding it up. For me? My stoma fell FLAT. Now, you put on a flange with a stoma that's the same height as your skin and see how bad it leaks. Put on a convex flange, one that has the ability to push in a bit, and it still well, does nothing but leak. Convex flange + belt = flange pressed down, stoma pressed up, buhbye leaks.

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