Saturday, December 3, 2011

Just another Rant

I'm having problems with this blog stuff lately. When I view it in e explorer, my cherry-blossoms background is gone! Grrrr... I put so much work into changing the html so the layout too.

Then trying to make the "girly-girls" non-blog redirect into "girl-girls" failed, so I just had to make another blog with the same name posting the link to this blog. My god, it should not be this stupid. Moreover, maybe I'M just this stupid.

I've been going to a lot of appointments this week for shit, and I've noticed that most of my medical appointments always turn into some kind of explanation for like half an hour about my ileostomy. So many are like "omg tell me about this weird space-age creation". I shouldn't have to educate them, they are supposed to pretend it's something they see all the time and not bat an eye at it. Don't make me explain about it, asshole, it has nothing to do with other medical problems. Like if I broke my foot, don't ask me about a mole on my back. I'm not embarrassed either, just annoyed.

Very stressed out... packing my life up to live in another country, balling all my clothes into tiny bundles, cradling my HDs in packing material in my bags... what about my instruments? What will happen to my piano?! And my guitar! And my recording equipment! Noooo! And my kittehs!!!! I must leave them behind until okasa-mom comes driving out in the late spring. I worry about their safety during the drive, and I worry too about my ileostmy supplies and bags moving to Canada, and how I will get my things (as I said earlier) and my health in general.
I have to take a lot of meds each day, at the moment, unfortunately, and I don't know how I'm going to get what I need to keep me alive. At least we have located Ensure there, because I drink a few of those a day. That's the only thing keeping me from being 70 lbs, like I was earlier in the year.

((Does stress affect an ileostomy? I suppose so. Stress affects most things in our health, doesn't it? I think I get less output when I'm stressed.))

I'm about to go out on an impromptu dance date with two other girls and my husband tonight. I don't exactly think it will help to dance the stress away, but I need to get out for a reason other than Doctor's appointments.

I'm sorry everything has been so hap-hazard and disorganized lately, I'm just being a silly human and my body is still trying to heal after this hellish year. You know, if I get enough balls, I will post the pics of me when I was at my worst. It's like fucking disgusting. I look like a walking skeleton. Actually, in some of the pictures, I look like I'm already dead. It's weird to think about how much I've gone through this year, and how much my life and body has changed... not totally for the best, but certainly, you know, better than being DEAD. 

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