Sex After Permanent Ileostomy Surgery

Some weeks ago during my check up with my surgeon, I very bluntly asked him when I could expect to engage in being physically intimate again. He said, in his heavilly accented English, "In Sweden--you are done. Healthy. Four weeks. Good. In the United States--they say 6-9 weeks." He shrugged. "Just do what feels comfortable and don't push yourself beyond that."
 During a total colectomy, almost, if not all, of the large intestine is removed. One of the most common complaints from women after the surgery is Dyspareunia, pain when having sex. There's a reason for this.
I hate to have to do this to you, but here's a shake-yo-head nasty diagram of a female pelvic floor.

See? Tiny muscle like a skinny saddle right under all that. This shit is fragile as hell. Fuck, man. After my large intestine resection, I was diagnosed with Pelvic Floor Disorder at Mayo clinic in Minnesota. I went through a week of pysical therapy with probes and leads stuck to my abdomen and everything. I do my Kegals every day (been pretty lazy lately, though). There's a book, Saving the Whole Woman that is pretty useful too for certain exercises and all that. I recommend it, but don't let all the crap  they say freak you out. In the book, the writer is like "no surgeries for anything!" and dude, sometimes, you just gotta have a total colectomy. Or a hysterectomy. Or whatever.

But onto sexy times.
So after waiting a gruelling 4 weeks, I was like "I'm tired of this shit. I'm not bleeding anymore, I've had a shot of 151--we've having sex. NOW." Always after a major surgery, when you ease into normal life again, you gotta take stuff slow and be cautious. I have a very gentle partner anyway, so it works that I'm the agressor and he can slow me down before I hurt myself.
What assists is tilting your vagina so it doesn't hurt when you're first easing back into a sex life.
Here's my shit drawing on Micro Paint to demonstrate.

On a flat surface, lay a small firm pillow under the back of your upper hips/buttocks. This raises the pelvis and makes entery easier, tilting you at such an angle that gravity helps the vagina stretch out a bit more :)
It's not the most exciting position, but it works, and if he wants to grab you and turn you around so you are riding him, that also works too. No, nothing gets jostled loose inside, nor are you going to rip open your stitches and have internal bleeding. Jesus. You're not having sex with a jackhammer, are you?

Anyway, if your doctor recommends a total colectomy, open up a dialogue with them about your concerns about removing the rectum. Because I don't have a degenerative disease like Ulceritive Colitus, I was able to speak with my surgeon about leaving some--I got maybe maybe 30 cms--of my rectum to help support the vagina. Without the rectum there, the vagina tends to collapse downward and certainly with gravity, it begins to make things down there very painful anyway with just moving around, much less trying to engage in sexy times. Like I mentioned, if there's no way around its entire removal, do read the Whole Woman book for what you can do to strengthen yourself, but otherwise, please please speak lucidly to your surgeon and be adament you want to save a bit o' the rectum!