Friday, September 16, 2011

Can I Get Married/ Have a Wedding with an Ileostomy?

The thing that most women seem concerned about is what kind of dress they will be able to wear. For myself personally, what I wore pretty much fits in with what I wear normally every day. I wear skirts with elastic bands, and I have that elastic band snugged right above my Ileo stoma.
For my wedding reception/party day, I wore a more 1950's style poofy ballerina-like skirt.

See where the end of the bodice meets the skirt? That's resting just barely above my stoma. Those sheath dresses and slip-like wedding dresses really look good on no one but supermodels, and even they can't always carry it off. So this was more of a natural choice for me anyway, since it fits with my natural style and felt comfortable to wear with my ileo. It was short enough--mid-calf--so I could grab up the end and roll it under to check my bag and do all the nice little toiletries that come along with keeping it clean. You really forget you have a bag at all when you have clothes that mask it/fit well with it.
These are mah nails... and my ring and bangles (none of which got in the way of bag-changing or cleanliness) and rose petals my sister scattered across my skirt for the photo.

My mother in law speaking to me after my "vows/ love-letter to Mr B"

Whilst the vows were read...

Anyway, to re-iterate the answer to the title question: Hell yes you can both court and get married and have the sexual relations with an ileostomy. It's like having a birthmark. Some people are mightily ashamed of it, and refuse to take off their long sleeved shirts or whatever and wherever it might be, ashamed of the birthmark's presence. If you can learn to be like "yeah--I have an ileostomy--so the fuck what?" it ceases to matter. It's also like many heavier girls I've seen at clubs. They are extremely attractive, but many are much too self-conscious about themselves to have fun. Then there are ones that get out on the dance floor and love the fuck out of themselves, because they are fabulous. And if you don't feel fabulous at first, fake that confidence until you have it.
Women have enough trouble with confidence anyway without adding a body-altering complications such as a bag that holds our liquidish waste, but I say why the fuck don't you deserve to go out there and have the time of your lives just because of a medical condition that you have no control over? It is what it is--and who the fuck cares if someone wins your confidence, finds out and then gets weirded out? Fuck em. They aren't worth your salt anyway. Our lives and too fragile and too short to waste time with negative people. Your ileo is there for a reason, likely a life-saving one, and you can be fabulous with it. You probably aren't going to be playing tackle rugby with the boys any time soon, but otherwise, as far as ileostomies go, there is nothing stopping you at all whatsoever from leading a life full of a fuck-more potential and opportunities than you could have without your ileostomy, or, you know, dead.

Anyway, as eating is difficult for me with the strange confusion of my digestion, I didn't eat much my wedding-party night and with how ragged I'd worn myself this entire month getting ready for it (we made all our own food, I sewed my dress, we dj-ed the party, we wrote filmed starred-in edited and created music for a video we made of how we met plus setting up all the things and decorations and blah blah etc) I ended up having a blood-sugar of 16 that night and uhm, narrowly missed slipping into a coma.
So things didn't exactly turn out how we planned, but there's worse. There's always worse.
(And I do recognise this is a really shitty way to end a post regarding weddings.)


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  2. Wowie Zowie Honey! You look positively
    G O R G E O U S ! :D
    (And your wonderful Man looks mighty snazzy too!)
    Quite breathtaking, and everything is so beautifully imbued with your delightfully unique & exquisite personal style. Thanks ever so much for posting these photos and allowing us a peek into your Wedding celebrations day - one can just see and FEEEEEL the sheer magic that was present all around.

    As wearing as it obviously must have been for you, cudos to you both (and to all others involved in helping you) for having envisioned and brought together so many fine elements to have created what must have quite evidently been an enchanted day and experience...

    and then...

    ...Oh Darlin'. As mentioned before, am truly ever so sorry about how the evening finished off for you health wise. Poop! (Pardon the very poor unintentional pun!) I'm just majorly hoping that there was a 'lil blessing in disguise in there regarding the timing of it, as it seems that the turn in your health occurred after the partying, or at the very least towards the end of the eve? (Was I right in deducing that?)

    P.S: BTW, I totally love what you've written about making the choice to be confident (or 'faking it' til we're making it! Haha) regarding our ileo stomas, specifically where you wrote "your ileo is there for a reason, likely a life saving one, (for me that also includes my Hickman line for TPN), and you can be fabulous with it" Too true hey! Its very perspective making and kinda dramatically changes the ick factor over to one of gratitude doesn't it. ;)

    I'm gonna include your above quote in my daily affirmations to keep myself on the upbeat track - Cheers for that! Hope you are faring well Hon... <3