Sunday, October 4, 2015

Urinary shit

So now my bladder isn't working right and i have an indwelling catheter attached to my leg like above. The line looks like it's coming out of my illeostomy bag, but really it is supposed to be shown coming out of my urethra. The bag of piss is attached to my shin, the lines to it strapped down to my leg. I have been taking Seroquel, Roserum, and Divalproex to sleep. Divalproex is known to create anticholinergic effectwhich totally fucked up my bladder.

I once saw a porn where a man had a woman insert a glass tube up his urethra. Either by accident or some form of spiritual intervention, the glass rod broke and the man was screaming in pain before the image cut out to black. That's pretty much what it feels like to have a tube shoved up your urethra, and the same sensation while it is being yanked out.
 I had enough bag trouble with my illeostomy and then to have yet another bag on my body? No thanks.

So after two days, I returned from the Urologist and he took my catheter out. I didn't scream like the man in the video, but I felt like it... I only made a small roar of pain, I'm glad to announce.

Having two bags at once is a little much. I mean, it's not the end of the world. I could have so many more problems in my life that I'm glad to be able to walk on my own, to breathe, to speak, to hear, and my hands... to be able to create.  Even in pain as I was, I reminded myself I didn't have cerebral palsy, or MS, or a million other conditions that would have seriously fucked up my awesome.
So I went through it. I grabbed my awesome back when they took out the bag, and I'm not gonna stop. I feel shitty about myself most of the time, but I have to remind myself about my good qualities, things that make me happy (kinda), and things that I am proud of.
So I dont have success in the eyes of the world right now, but I will someday. I am a hard worker, and I beleive in myself.

Wow. This changed the tone of this post a lot. Sorry for that :P

3 comments:

  1. God bless you. I know that saying anything is very easy in comparison to facing the same. I can simply console you not more then that. You can take the help of the Ostomy Lingerie or the Ostomy swimwear or other type specially designed cloths so as to get some help in your day to day life.

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  2. This is Shawn from minneapolis. We have talked over the years on Facebook. Sorry to hear about your bladder issues:( have had a fair share myself from being a premie. Here if you need anything. If your still in St. Cloud I am a short drive away. For a talk over coffee, a hug, and always sending prayer:)

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  3. Here's hoping things get better for you.

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