More Clothing Options/ Sex

I think I should do more posts about clothing, as it seems most of my readers are female (?) and searching for hints and hope regarding their ileo and clothes. I hate to say it, but it does totally depend on your type of normal style of dress. THIS post is really more about sex and doesn't *totally* fit in with clothing, but a little bit, just so you're aware.

For sexy times I have done this with my bag-holder-hider thing (this is the bulky purple one before I made my black ostomy-sling in the previous post) --->

I taped it down with medical grade tape, also referred to as surgical tape. Although with my black sling (previous post), I dont need much tape. Hmmm... now that I think about it, I'll do a pic-tutorial about how to make your own sling. It was trial and error with that one, and a lot of fitting it to my body and the angle I like to wear my bags. Totally unrelated, but for sexy time, you can do the things you normally would with your partner. If you feel like your bag's about to slip out, hold it down with your hand. And from my experience, taking it from the back on all fours jostles your bag and shit, but standing up and doing it from behind is fine, although not my cup of tea gin. Missionary works a lot better. You get to lay there, or at an angle, and your bag is pretty secure. Riding on top of him is another option.

I've searched high and low on the internet, and whenever I read ileostomy blogs written by females, they also skirt around the sex subject, or are too shy to just fucking come right out and say this shit. They're always like "Ohhh.... embaressing. E-mail me if you want details". Uhm, not everyone wants to email you, queef. Just give them the information or GTFO.

If you're feeling a little self consious, I recommend the frilly skirt.

 It looks sexy on the street and in the bed. <3

Second Post-op Surgeon's Visit, and Wedding-dress Shopping with an Ileostomy

I think it goes without saying if you have read my earlier posts, my surgeon was more of a cunt than anyone Ive ever met. I dont have the energy to go into it right now, but I had a test he ordered to "rewnew" my old tests confirming Pelvic Floor Disorder. It was one of the reasons, a BIG ONE, why I had my ileostomy. This was prior to surgery, just to be perfectly clear. So after my second checkup, where I'm still having complications, like that would normally be found from leaving, oh, I don't know--SOMEONE'S ENTIRE LARGE INTESTINE INSIDE THEIR BODY--(complications such as cups of gel-like substance of mucus that turns into hard softballs of tissue because one is unable to eliminate them the normal way, even with enemas, because of aformentioned PFDisorder) my surgeon is just like "Whatever."

My mom takes meticulous notes and even tape records my visits, and prior to surgery, Dr Asshole promised, numerous times, that he would do a take-down of my redundant stoma, making the loop into a regular ileo, and remove my colon. When we visited now, he claimed, just as he had for many things, he never said that, even when confronted with evidence. THAT is the clear sign of a socio-path. Soemone who can just keep on lying in the face of evidence of their own lies. DID. EVEN. GIVE. A SHIT. Just bald-faced lie. So now I have to go throughthe entire process of fidning another surgeon again. oh--there's so much more I could say on this subject and pain and blablabla---but fuck it.

On to DRESSSESSSSS!!! *Jazz hands*

So my dress from the 1940s of antique lace looks ass on me so... blah. I spent hours sewing on it. but it just looks ass. It was only 80 bucks so fuck it. My mom and I made a day of going out to used dress stores, and we found a SIZE 12 one that looked uhm... decent??? on me. Still needs revisions and tailoring, and there's the destinct possiblity I might hate it after anyways since I have sensory probs with the feeling of seams on my sides.

I made a nice little minimalist black holding sling for my bag. I like it. I made myself two like it so far, and always can make more. I fold down the top of my bag--I never use filters, they add extra weight to the bag, bumps under your clothing, and generally don't do shit--and tuck it into the pouchy-pocket harness bag thing I made. WEEEEE. I go out wearing skirts just at the bag line, and so the frills and such blend with the bag pretty well, although I'm not a high out-putter nor do I eat alot to fill a bag realy fast, so that's generally not a problem for me, but my baby-dick-like protrusions of ileostomy are more noticable than anything. But with frilly skirts, it's not too much a prob. Also, I've lazilly warn my back harness pocket thin in public, and people think it's some hipster ironic fanny-pack. Good, whatever you wanna think, world, whatever you wanna think. I mean, worst come to worst, if someone tries to attack me or my man, I'll just yank off my bag and toss it at them. HA! Shit in your face, motherfucker! What d'ya think of that!? They'll never see it coming.

IT'S ALIVVVVVE!!!

You are not getting a stoma prolapse. Neither are you experiencing some kind of malfunction of your stoma, or your small intestine trying to escape your body through the hole in your abdominal muscular wall. No-- the stoma you have sometimes bops around like a robin listening to a fat dubstep beat (I have never experienced this much action from my own, but I've heard stories...) or elongates and contracts at its own will.

The peristalsis you are used to never fucking ever seeing inside your body is now (at least a little bit) on the outside. The cute little red button is going to grow and move and morph around like a fucking anime demon trying to find its true form.

Yeah. Kinda like that.
In other words, it's alright, yo. Chillax.  :) 

Skin Erosion & Rashes

Jesus Christ. They just don't prepare you for this shit. One of the probs with having a loop ileo instead of an end is that the loop is a fat stupid motherfucker that creates a figure 8 that you can't cut wafers and such to fit exactly, so guess what? Your skin around it gets burned by the acids from your output. And my fucking surgeon had the gall to say "Meh--we'll just keep it a loop. Looks fine to me. Dar Dar Dar." Stupid son of a bitch.

I've had problems with stitches. Those supposedly dissolveable stitches never ever dissolve with me. I've always had to yank them out with a tweezers. Weeeeeee! When I had my large intestine resection (the big scar going down from my umbilicus) the stitches for that were crazy infected. I had to yank them shits out and it was like someone was disemboweling me---No, I REALLY felt that when the nurse was pulling out the drains. THAT was disembowelment. So my stitches around the stoma are red and puffy and the skin around that is rashy from the stupid adhesive.

Sorry for the gross largeness, but I thought it might help some hos out there who wonder wtf I'm talking about, or want to compare their infections with me. The white around the stoma, that shiny shit?--that's Desitin, a diaper rash cream that's actually hella useful for this type of thing, but also why you can't really see how bad the infection is, as the cream is covering it :/

My suggestion for helping skin erosion and aiding in healing rashes is this. On the weekend, stay the fuck inside. Take your bag the fuck off. Walk around with toilet paper around your stoma, secured with tape if need be, but I'm not a high out-putter and my output isn't liquidy, so I don't have too much probs with this. My reasoning for this is the rash and the infection needs to breaaaathe. The skin is sick of being imprisoned under strips of wax and adhesives and it yearns for the cool kiss of a summer brease upon its malformed infected face. Also, I wipe Destin on my eroding skin and use Aloe vera gelly on the rashy part, but Bacitracin Zinc Ointment USP is always a good choice. this isn't just me advising this. I've dug around through ostomy forums for this info, and this works.

As I still don't have too many bags to be using recklessly, I've only gone de-bagged twice, but I think I'm starting to see the difference in the overall healing and happiness levels of my epidermis.

Clothing & your Ostomy

For wearing clothes, I know it will get easier as swelling goes down, but already nobody can tell I have my bag on and I'm little more than a week out.

So I've been sewing both my wedding dresses, one a 1950s-style dress of antique lace, and a court-house dress of white lace and cotton, for when we hop on down and have it officiated. As I'm Buddhist (yeah I know, a good Buddhist shouldn't be swearing and crass and be all punching-with-fists but it's my nature) and Mr B is Agnostic, we aren't having the traditional wedding experience. We're getting it made official with paperwork at the courthouse, then later in the month, in the early fall, we'll be having a little back-yard ceremony for our like, two friends or something. All our pals are in different countries, and so the few peeps there will be family mostly. Bleh.

Anyway, so I tried on my courthouse dress that I've been pinning and sewing yesterday, and snapped a few photos.

BAM. Look at that sexy Ostomate girl! Ileostomies ain't no thang. This is an awkward position because I'm uber fairy-short and wanted to show in das foto the bottom edging of the dress to Mr B.

I'm still not sure if I'm going to use the blue ribbon or not.

But anyway, that's just an example that you can still look like yourself after an ostomy. I wear skirts anyway, my style is mostly Onee-Gyaru with a touch of Victorian Lolita, but I've found wearing even my yoga pants or leggings have worked fine with this too. Either you tuck the end of the bag down one leg, or you flip the waistband of the leggings down under your ostomies and wafer, let the bag hang over the waistband, and wear the skirt-holder pocket-thing in the previous post to hold it up.

Panties

There are websites like Ostomysecrets.com that tout you need this and this and this to get by otherwise OMG YOUR LIFE IS FAIL. Fuck that shit. It's expensive, it's dumb, and most of all, you can make that crap on your own with very little hassle.

They have a thing called a "wrap", which is like a chunk of spandex you just kind of smash down your ostomy with, I guess. I don't know about everyone else, but smashing down my stoma doesn't feel good. The little fucker wants to breathe and definitely NOT be smashed down. But as I don't exactly like walking around with a dangling bag--remember, these ones are still the huge bags I was sent home with and not the smaller one's I've ordered-- I made myself a soft little thing that passes as a short skirt. Observe and cry:



Shirt goes over the top part, and the bottom was cut off an old T-shirt, the bottom border flipped under and literally safety-pinned down to create a pocket or a sling for my bag. I can walk around and move without the gross constriction of that spandex shit, and my little buddies can peek over the top and watch the action.

This is a pair of the underwear they show on the site.





Uhm.... HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA. *Wipes away tear* No. If you didn't wear granny panties before, you certainly don't need them now. And if you're wearing them now, dear christ in heaven, for the love of everything that is sacred, please stop. Nothing says "I no longer care about my life" like the despondent apathy of granny-panties. Good lord.


Here's the panties I wear:

Niiiiiiiceeeee, huh? Of course. I cannot for the life of me understand why some peeps insist you need nasty-ass panties after an Ileo. I meet that with a hearty resounding WTF. I don't stuff my ostomy bag under the panty-strap anyway, because that makes the bag buckle and can cause leakage and shit. I hold up the bag to slip them on, then I leave it hanging over the side, then I slip on my little short-skirty pocket thing to hold it up.

Now this is an actual practical thing and really kawaii super-cute bag holder/cover for when you are wearing a stoma cap--something I have yet to purchase. A cap is basically a really small bag for when you're getting your sexy on. Awww yeaaaahhh.

Here's the website:

http://www.myheartties.com/product_info.php?products_id=39

And for a while, maybe a handful of weeks while your stoma(s) is/are still healing, you really shouldn't be having sex. If your dude has a dick worth working, it's going to be knocking around a whole buncha shit inside. Just take it easy and let your pussy rest. I know it's hard (heh heh) when you look at him walking around in them jeans, with that ass, and he's got those arms and those eyes and his voice makes you wet... but seriously hold off. Use your hands and mouth and all that and I don't know, get oral from him or something. I enjoy giving it but not receiving, but if it works for you...

And what's all this talk I hear of ostomy belts? That's bullshit. You don't need a fucking belt or anything to hold it up, if you've worked with your ostomy nurse to properly pick out bags that fit you. Look back at that first picture in the post. See that top flap thing where the filter is? The area nearest my belly-button? Well because I'm stuck with these huge-ass bags for a while, so that filter part doesn't go flapping all over the damn place, I take a tiny strip of duct-tape and tape that down against my skin. Easy. No prob.

My 'le Loop' Stoma, Changing the Bag & Other Practicalities

This is le loop or Lil SquiRter-- as he's known in the gang circles. Mr double-trouble is still super swollen considering it's the 18th and I just had the surgery on the 8th, and though I look pretty skinny still, I'm still swollen abdominally considering where I was before I entered surgery. (So don't expect yourself to be back to normal by this time. I was seriously emaciated going in, so slightly puffy I just look more normal.)

So here's one of the big-ass Coloplast bags they sent home with me.  I'm ordering ones that actually fit me soon, so I'll update as soon as I get those. Oh yeah, this is a one-piece bag, meaning that it has the wafer thing built on, which I ADORE compared to the two-piece, which leaked like crazy and never stayed on right.

In the hospital with my stoma nurse, we determined a good size for cutting the opening, since mine is irregular. I trace that onto the back and cut around it.

The wax

Once you've cut the bag to fit and squished the wax around the opening

place bag over those little fuckers as closely to the bottom as you can (but not too tight, the wax is there to fill in gaps) then gently wiggle stomas into the fashioned hole and press down on the sticky wafer thing to create a kick-ass seal. Make sure it is flat and smooth on your skin. If it's buckled even a little bit, even with the gummy wax, shit is going to seep out. Not cool.

Yup. It's on.

Yes, sometimes your little squirter is going to begin to operate while you're changing bags. I change mine in front of the sink just in case this happens, which it doesn't too frequently. I keep Clorox Wipes under the sink for this reason. Seriously people, don't let your family members/ housemates suffer with feces germs and shit. Hmm... well, maybe if they're horrible. Then it serves them right.
Also, a tip here, change your bag at least an hour before you eat anything, and seriously don't eat right before you change your bag. Some peeps do it first thing in the morning, but I do it whenever during the day.

If you're changing the bag for your child, wait until they are kinda sleepy or at least chilled out. like, they aren't really excitable or angry that you pulled them away from watching cartoons. Before you even bring them into the water closet to change their bag, cut that pouch, have all your supplies out and ready--this will make the process go much faster. Trust. Just like giving a squirmy cat medicine, you might want to have another person there to assist. Unless your kid is naturally obediant and quiet. (Yeah right.) HERE is a great site with links for children and ileostomies. Or ostomies in general.

For changing the bag, depending on how fucking nasty it is, I'd say every 2 days. If it's loose or leaking, change that shit, cuz man, the acids in your feces are gonna fuck up your skin. If it's your kid with an ileostomy, or just an ostomy in general, they might start to get fussy or uncomfortable, or if they're older, they might complain that it's itchy or it burns. That's when THIS occurs. So change that bag, okay?

For emptying, wich you do a handful of times a day, also depending, I keep a pair of plastic gloves in the Water Closet that I slip on for these special occasions. I'm such a fancy lady, emptying my shit-bags with gloves on.
 With the Coloplast ones I have here, I unroll it from its delightful velcro wings (seriously, velcro wings on the flange are the greatest. So much fucking better than the clips) and squeeze it open at both ends so the hard plastic remains open while I drain it.

(In this pic I'm not wearing gloves as this is a new bag but whatev)

So, to best drain, some sit on the toilet and drain the bag from between their legs, but I've had trouble with UTI's and I'm not exactly keen about liquid feces going past my vag and urethra so I get on one knee, to romance the toilet, and drain that shit like so---->

And yes, as you can see a bit of watery blood drop in my bag, your stoma's gonna bleed a bit. It's the inside of your intestines folded back and sewn to your abdomen, for gods's sake. Of COURSE it's going to bleed. Expect it. Sometimes I bleed like, a 1/4 cup a day, sometimes nothing. Depends on if the little tomato's been rubbed or is upset or not. Whatever. It's not worrisome unless its' a shit-ton of bleeding, and trust me, seeing blood may be scary, but you will know when it's seriously time to call the emergency room. I'm talking about a FUCK TON on blood. Tablespoons of blood even if not anything to be stressed over. Chillax.